I usually use this blog as a platform for uplifting words, inspiring anecdotes, and exciting news. Today, I’m experimenting with doing some unloading here on jeanetteeng.com, but even then, perhaps eventually to a greater end. I feel overwhelmed right now. I feel overwhelmed by the looming responsibility of aiding a family in emotional distress. I feel spread thin by a host of invitations to an increasing number of causes and events and efforts. I feel lonely without a family that I can seek asylum or rejuvenation in. I feel offense in unreliable people, unexpected outcomes, and uncontrollable circumstances.
This past week found me half-dressed in the back of a cab and calling my gym to request that my microphone be prepped and ready for me so as to shave off even more valuable seconds from my already tardy arrival. In that moment, I cursed this lifestyle that I was living in which I’m often scheduled with appointments back-to-back, checking off a mental to-do list all day, and swirling with a head full of pending projects always. I thought to myself, “Isn’t it time I’ve settled down a little bit more than this by now?!” Why am I still running myself ragged like I was years ago? This past weekend also found me juggling three social engagements with three different groups and executing not one of them fully successfully. This situation left me vulnerable to one of my vices…emotional snacking. And so I found myself popping dark chocolate covered cashews at 2am. I’ve been doing remarkably well on my new diet plan with very controlled portions and I’m loving the outcome so far! My first slippery night left me disappointed in myself, however. Another thing on my mind came by way of an impromptu career assessment that left me wanting. I need to revisit and master the hosting field, something that I have strayed from over the years.
In short, my life is very full and I am very grateful. But with great power comes great responsibility and I am the type of person that takes responsibility seriously. I am sensitive to needs and place it upon myself to answer to them. And it is no coincidence that I pulled out my notes just now from a sermon two weeks ago and read this line. “Your problems are big, but God is bigger.” “Recognize provision and that Jesus is enough.” I just re-read the beginning of my notes where Pastor Adam speaks on “God’s hand in the midst of hardship.” Adam came from a family of divorced parents and he resented having to be the caretaker for his brothers and sisters. But this hardship, Adam eventually realized, was to prepare him for the ultimate task of pastoring two congregations and the New York Jets. Hardships are part of God’s process. And so I can re-visualize these trying times with my family, during which I have to turn the other cheek, bite my tongue, invest time, and give give give, as preparation for something far greater.
It seems that Spiderman and Jesus shared similar sentiments: “With great power comes great responsibility.” and “To whom much is given, much is required.” I can make peace with the idea that much is being required of me right now because so much has been given. I can expect that more will be given to me and more will be required and I shall be that much more prepared. I shall not worry on these things, for worry is synonymous with a lack of faith in God. I will petition him with my requests and set my sights on the positive outcomes that I know he will provide. With confidence and faith I will go about my responsibilities because I will better my family, settle down my schedule, conquer my diet, be a fabulous host, and be game for whatever else God has in store for me! And so, to complete my subject heading, “I’m Ready to Give It Up”…”TO HIM!”
